I opened my eyes lazily, stifling a yawn as I was jolted lightly by the train going over errant tracks. Rubbing away the fog of wake, I saw that someone was sitting in front of me where there had been an empty seat before. He had a scraggly beard that looked like it hadn’t been washed in weeks and had the bloodshot eyes of a man who hadn’t had a proper night's sleep long enough to forget what it felt like. Most worrisome of all was that he was pointing his smartphone at me.
“Can I help you?” I asked, frowning.
“You sleep with your mouth open,” he said, flipping his phone around and showing me a picture of myself. It looked strange, as if it was only a passing look of me rather than photo-realism I’d come to expect. Almost like it wasn’t real. Probably just a filter.
“I didn’t need you to take a picture of that, I already know I sleep with my mouth open,” I replied curtly.
“Ahh, but I did need to take a picture, for it seems you forget otherwise,” he said, opening his hands as if presenting himself to me.
“What? Am I supposed to react differently to a creepy person taking pictures of me?” I asked, glancing behind him to see if there were other open seats to escape from him.
“Well… No, but I did expect you to react differently to seeing old Rags!” he said, presenting himself once again.
“Never heard of…” the sentence died in my mouth as a flood of memories ran over me. I blinked a few times to confirm what I was seeing.
“There it is! The twinkle of recognition, in your eyes, exciting! I can’t wait to galavant with you again!” he said, spritely.
“Rags, where have you been? I haven’t seen you since… Well, I can’t remember, except that I was still a toddler with a temper!” I said, lowering my voice now that I realized I was talking to my imaginary friend.
“Doesn’t matter where I’ve been, only that we’re going to have a reunion party! Starting with dumping that man’s coffee on his lap!” he said, pointing to the passenger in the seat behind me.
“I… Ummm…” I turned around to see a bald man absorbed into a tablet with a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. “That looks pretty hot, it could burn him really bad, Rags.”
“I know, right?” Rags nodded excitedly.
My eyes narrowed.
“I’m… I’m not gonna do that Rags, that’s pretty—”
“Shh! The conductor is coming!” Rags pointed him out. I was about to appreciate him looking out for me when he said, “Stick your leg out when he comes by, it’ll be hilarious!”
“What? No!” I hissed.
“What was that?” the conductor asked, stopping by my seat. Rags raised his eyebrows like he did when we used to get in trouble when we were kids.
“Nothing, sorry, I wasn’t talking to you,” I apologized.
The conductor looked at the empty seats surrounding me.
“You weren’t?” he asked skeptically.
“Tell him to eat lead. Or cyanide! Ask him if he has cyanide!” Rags insisted.
“I’m fine—”
“I take it back, just punch him in the jaw and run, that would make for a great chase! Look how old the dude is!” Rags chuckled.
“You don’t look fine, son,” the conductor said, frowning at me.
“Punch him! Get that nervous energy out of you!” Rags yelled.
“Can you leave please!?” I said to Rags. Rags raised his eyebrows again and looked to the conductor with glee.
“No need to be rude, I thought to check on you is all,” he said, as he began walking away.
“Quick! Sucker punch him in the back of the head!” Rags yelled, throwing a punch in the air.
“No!”
“A quick jab, that’s all I’m asking! For your old buddy!”
“Stop,” I hissed at him.
“Just—”
I punched at Rags and rammed my arm into the seat, cracking my knuckles painfully. Rags appeared in the seat adjacent to me and whistled, impressed.
“A punch like that could have knocked out the conductor in one punch,” he said.
“Excuse me, sir, I’m going to have to ask you not to punch the furniture on the train,” the conductor said from a few paces away.
My face went warm and I nodded to him quickly.
“What happened to you Rags?” I whispered. “I thought you were such a sweet guy, always giving me good advice as kids, remember?”
“Yeah, well then we grew up and I found out what was a lot more fun,” he shrugged.
“Fine, then I’m going to have to ask you to leave,” I said.
“What was that?” Rags said, putting a hand to his ear and looking behind me.
“Leave!” I whispered louder. He inched closer, his hand still to his ear,
“One more time, I’m a little—”
“I SAID LEAVE!” I screamed.
Rags raised his eyebrows and nodded to something behind me. It was the conductor again. My face went from warm to a deep red.
“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to get off at the next stop. You’ve drawn complaints from everyone in this car,” he said firmly.
Rags clapped his hands together.
“We both get to leave!” he squealed excitedly.
“Shut up,” I whispered.
“Excuse me?” the conductor said, drawing a hand toward his hip.
“No, not you—”
“Punch him in the face!” Rags yelled.
“—I said shut up!!”
“Sir, I am going to have to ask you to—”
“Now! Get him while he’s droning on!” Rags yelled, miming an uppercut.
“Just leave alreadyyyyy—”
I had raised my hand to punch him but was stopped by a sensation running through my veins. I shook violently, unaware of what was happening.
“Dude, rad! He tased you!” Rags said, applauding me.
I felt handcuffs be placed on me before I began to pass out from the sheer energy flowing through me.
“Don’t worry buddy, I’ll make sure you’re not alone when you wake up,” Rags said, waving mischievously.